Parenting on HARD MODE
Parenting kids from trauma isn’t just parenting on “hard mode”—it’s more like trying to build a piece of IKEA furniture with half the screws missing, no instructions, and a tiny voice beside you insisting, “That’s not how Mommy used to do it.” It's layered, emotional, and rarely straightforward. These kids haven’t just learned to walk and talk—they’ve had to learn to survive. They’ve had to become hyper-aware of danger, quick to respond, and sometimes, slow to trust. And let’s be honest: those survival skills? They make total sense when you understand where they came from. This isn’t about “bad behavior.” It’s about brains doing their best to stay safe in a world that hasn’t always been kind. And no—it's not their fault.
It’s also not all on their biological parents, either. Many of the parents whose children enter foster care grew up in survival mode themselves. They didn’t have the luxury of learning to regulate emotions, build secure attachment, or even develop the life skills most of us take for granted. When you zoom out, the trauma often stretches back generations. And that doesn’t make the harm okay—but it DOES make it human. These kids weren’t born broken, and their parents weren’t either. What they’ve experienced is real. What they’re carrying is heavy. And when we step in to help—whether as foster parents, caseworkers, neighbors, or friends—we’re not replacing anyone. We’re simply joining the story where we’re needed most.
And here’s the wild, holy beauty of it all: when healing starts to happen, it’s sacred. A child who flinched at touch starts crawling into your lap. A kid who once panicked over meals now patiently waits for dinner each night instead of asking 238 times “Are we having dinner tonight? What are we eating? Will there be enough for seconds?” These are the miracles hidden in the mundane. Parenting kids from trauma is exhausting, hilarious, often unfair—and full of redemption. Foster parents don’t have to be perfect. They just have to keep showing up with steady love, soft eyes, and maybe a secret stash of granola bars. Because what foster parents are doing matters more than you know. They’re not just helping a child grow—they’re helping a whole family, maybe even a whole lineage, begin to heal. And that’s nothing short of sacred.
